“You are free, and that is why you are lost.” -Franz Kafka

My name is girlxlife.  I am fourteen years old, and I am alive…even though I don’t feel as though I am.  I am inexplicably beloved….though the extent of that love is rarely revealed to me.  I am girlxlife and I am not going to take my own life, even though on those days where the internal pain is too much to handle I can temporarily fool myself into believing that I will.  That I can.  That the broken people I will be leaving in my wake are not so broken as I imagine that they will be when they find me dead and that those who love me will be able to keep on loving once I am gone.  It is an unfair expectation to hold any human to.  It is selfish to assume that any one person is capable of holding themselves together when I couldn’t even hold myself together.  It is wrong to presume that someone is stronger than me.  It is wrong to pull them down with me.  But then again, I suppose that they are stronger than me, because then why are they still alive and I’m not? 

The 3 Best YouTubers of 2015

Hello, Internet! I’m sure that at this point during the New Year we are all finding ourselves looking back into the past year and all of the great (and terrible) memories that we made. Since I happen to be total YouTube trash, I have compiled a (not very long) list of my 3 favorite Tubers of all Time.

So, without further ado, here it is: The 3 Best YouTubers of 2015:



1 Dan Howell (Danisnotonfire) 

 This adorable twat is the YouTube sensation Dan Howell.  He is known mostly for his role in the Dan and Phil collab channel.  However, while Phil’s videos are lighthearted, Dan’s videos, while still hilariously relatable, cover the real-life angst that every teenager feels at some point in their life and explores more mature topics.  As for the nature of his username, I’ll let you find that out on your own…
2 Phil Lester (Amazingphil)
The cutie in plaid, shown here with his best friend and YouTube collaborator Dan Howell, is the YouTube celebrity Phil Lester, known as Amazingphil to his “Phans”.  Phil’s quirky, kid-friendly humor is downright charming and his videos are entertaining from beginning to end.  His channel is mostly full of vlogs, challenges, and collabs with other famous YouTubers, but he also runs a gaming channel called DanandPhilGAMES.  In addition, Phil also won the 2015 Radio Times Online Show Chamionship.  You can read that story: here.
And why is he wearing whiskers, you ask?  Well, he could tell but he’d have to kill you.
3 Zoe Sugg (Zoella)
 If you want a ten minute instruction on how to apply mascara, you have come to the right place.  Though Zoella can be a little over-instructive when it comes to make-up, her genuine charisma, honesty and devotion towards her fans shines through, earning her, currently, more than 9,915,492 followers.  Her debut novel, Girl Online, was released in November 2014 and broke the record for highest first-week sales of a first-time novelist.  This gorgeous YouTube star’s channel centers around fashion, consisting mostly of beauty hauls and reviews of her favorite products of the previous month.

What about you?

Who are your top 3 favorite YouTubers? Comment below ^•^

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard: The Love Sqaure

Who do you think should end up with Mare Barrow?  Kilorn, her childhood friend, Cal the perfect prince, or Maven the shadow of Cal’s flame?


Personally, I am Team Maven all the way!  I feel as though Maven isn’t truly evil all the way through…Elara is probably controlling him in some way (I have my doubts about Maven being evil, but we all know that Elara is the real witch…the one pulling his strings…) or threatening to kill Mare if he doesn’t obey her (“His mother whispers something in his ear and he jolts, brought back to reality.  ‘Goodbye, little lightning girl.’ When he raises his hand, I think he might be shaking.” Red Queen, page 375.) I really like Maven’s character as well, he seems far more thoughtful and intelligent than Cal, who’s more of the brawn.  Maven also obviously attempted to save Mare when she was in the cell and claimed that he was, “better than Cal.”  And even though Maven is overcome with jealously at always being second place and second choice, he couldn’t have faked the kindness that he showed when he thought that no one was watching.  In conclusion, I think that Maven is just jealous of Cal, is being used by his mother, and truly loves Mare.  I hope to see his character develope more in Glass Sword and hopefully Mare can forgive him beacuse I’m really rooting for the underdog.  And, besides, if there’s anything that we learned from reading Red Queen it’s that there is ALWAYS a bigger game being played and anyone can betray anyone.  I’m not quite sure what game Maven Calore is playing, but my gut tells me that he’s not evil through and through.

P.S. On page 376 of Red Queen, when Mare thinks, “Rainwater runs into his eyes, but he doesn’t blink.  He doesn’t want to miss my death.”  I feel like Maven was actually really worried and scared that Mare was going to die and couldn’t take his eyes off of her…ot maybe he was in on the Scarlet Guard’s rescue and was waiting for them anxiously?  It sounds far-fetched, but that’s my opinion.

What’s yours?

Comment below.